Night

It's 6 am and I should be sleeping by now. But I was lying down beside JJ who is obviously fast asleep and I just couldn't sleep. I have a test tomorrow and I should get some rest and not make myself look like a zombie walking to uni and sitting deadly in class dreaming my brains away.

But no. Here I am typing and smoking even though it's making my throat hurts while drinking my unfinished cold tea that I made a couple of hours ago thinking of nothing but negative things. It is cold but I still leave the window open so that the somke smell doesn't get stuck in my room in the morning, which it always does but I also doesn't want the smell to go out into the the hallway. The heater is on but that doesn't do me any good. It's far away from where I'm sitting and it's better that way so that JJ doesn't get cold since it's nearer to him.

I don't care if my fingers are getting colder. I don't care if I don't sleep. I don't care if I walk like a zombie to Uni tomorrow. I'll just have a cup of coffee and I'll be awake the whole day. Isn't that easy? I can picture myself with eyebags in the morning and even makeup can't cover it up. One thing good about this country is that you don't sweat as much as you get back at home especially times like these when it's winter. Back at home if I don't sleep for just one night I'll look so horrible the next day and people would thing that I got beaten up the day before. Yes, it's that horrible. Because it's so hot and humid that you don't want to not be in an airconed places. Here everywhere you go you'd find a place that is warm, where their heater is turned on and it'e the opposite in Malaysia. Funny how things go when you think about it.

But nevertheless, I love the cold. Not that I don't complain that it's too cold sometimes, I do... But I just love it. Sometimes when I get too cold, I think of back home and how I was dying to be in a cold place. And with that thought, automatically I can bare the cold weather. Currently it's 4.4 degrees and apparently it's predicted that it's gonna be sunny but foggy during the day. In KL it's 25 degrees currently and the humidity is 83%. Haha. Predicted light rain. I love Malaysia especially KL, it's a wonderful place, it's just that you get sweaty easily there and that's not pleasing at times, well... most of the times.

Now I know for sure that I will not be goin back for the winter holiday that will last for 3 weeks. I sent Mami a long ass email telling and explaining to her bout how I feel and soon after I got a call from her but she didn't sound dissapointed at all. She sounded happy in fact. That's a good sign and that made me feel less guilty. Because for the past couple of days I've been thinking about how she feels and how badly she wanted me to come home ever since I got a short call from her and Dadi. But today, I feel peace but not quite. With the stories that she told me? No no.. But that's something any of us can't do anything about. At least I know it's under control, i think. I'm not sure myself of how the situation is but I think I can imagine it. Bottom line is, I know what and why she sounded like how she sounded the other day.

It's time for my second smoke. It still doesn't taste as good, though. Sometimes just the smell of it makes me crave for more. But times like these, ciggies are the best companion even though that don't taste as good (I do sound like a pethetic loser don't I?) And times like these is when I can imagine Amran and Johanna saying "ARe you gonna smoke AGAIN?" Hehehehe.. I can hear JJ's soft snore. It's cute but when I'm beside him and trying to sleep, it's not! hehe.. It just makes me envious because why can't I be in his position instead of where I am or what I'm doing? Ah.. it doesn't matter right now does it? This tea isn't helping either. It makes me feel the 'kelat' feeling on my tongue but a sip once in a while while I smoke makes the ciggie taste better =) Well, you loose some you win some. I'm done with my ciggie and I think I should move on and stop babbling nonsense here.

Goodnight or shall I say Goodmorning? hehe..

-Synchronicity out-