Better Man

Yesterday after JJ dropped me off in the city before he left for Avalon Airport to go to Sydney, I went to meet up with Jen and her dad. That was awkward.. hehe.. They went back to iHouse to send Jen's new Keyboard so I stayed in the city since my initial plan was to go to Starbucks, have a cup of Latte and just sit there and read all day. So I did when they left. it didn't hit me until I was there that it was a Saturday and there were gonna be a lot of people. But still it didnt stop me from reading and being so sleepy at the same time. Had a few breaks in between and this is what I wrote in my "Understanding Health" study guide:

"Here I am, alone in the middle of the city. Not that it's a big thing considering that I was on my own in Melbourne most of the time last year for almost 5 months, I'm just being a baby. He's only gone for a week and he'll be back in no time. It's not like he's going back home for good. Like what he said, this is the perfect time when I can have all to myself without him coming in between my studies since my exams are going to start a few days after he comes back. I guess that's a good thing then."

I felt lonely and the thought of 'If he was here, what would he be doing' can't get out of my mind and he has only been here with me for 3 months. Like what Amran said, it would be worse if he went back for good, then I'd be in misery the whole freaking time since She and Johanna are also leaving for Sweden for good. Ok, that's not a nice thing to think about right now. It's just that I'm used to seeing him 24/7, day and night. And if I don't see him for a coupple of hours, I know that I'm gonna be in his arms soon. But this is like, No! you have to wait for another 6 days to see him! So much for saying it's not a big deal huh.. :)


"Slow jazzy songs, door slamming open and close, cooffee grinder and blender buzzing, knife and fork falling on the floor, footsteps of people passing by, chairs scratching, people of different races talking in different languages, barista wiping and cleaning the table, a girl flipping newpaper, kids screaming and laughing and the voice in my head talking."

These are the things that were surrounding me when I was sitting on the red comfy sofa with my redish-pinkis book and a pencil in my hands. ( From here onwards I can't remember what I wrote because a few seconds ago this window got hang and this is all that I can recover...) I fucking hate when that happens because it just kills the mood off. How can you remember exactly what you wrote if those things just pop up in your head in an instance and you still want it to sound the same.. Fuck!

Ok Lets not get too emotional here and I'll continue.. As I was reading and reading, I realise that I was falling asleep so here's what I wrote:

"I'm feeeling comfortable but my eyes are half open. I wish I could leave but I promised Jen that I'll go have dinner with her her dad and James. So I can't just leave like that right? I've moved 3 times in 30 minutes to get the seat that I wanted and he called. He was safe in Sydney with his family and they were going out for dinner. I was so glad to hear from him that it made me not as sleepy as before but I wanted to pee so badly though. I hope Jen is goin to arrive soon because I don't know where else to go if I leave this place.... I think the coffee is starting to kick in....."

See the difference if JJ was around. I won't have to worry about leaving a place and not knowing where to go or care about what to do while waiting for someone because we have each other to annoy hehe.. and to entertain.. It seems like I've gotten to use to him being around that I kinda lost a little bit of my independance sense. Just a little.. not so much... ;p

After dinner with Jen's dad, me Jen and James went out with Johanna, Laura and Jamie to O'Rilies (Or how ever you spell that..) a bar on Chapel Street. The band was playing a couple of songs when we got there and suddenly the cute vocalist said, "This song is for all you lovers out there and go grab your boyfriend or girlfriend and give them a big hug!!" or somewhere along those lines.. 'Better Man' By Pearl Jam. Hmmmmm.... Doesn't that reminds me of someone huh?? Yes! Duh~~~ When ever we go see live bands and they play this song, he was by myside.. He was there to hug me from behind and sing softly to my ears.. Last night, tears were struggling wanting to drop out but I fought the sadness.. Damn... I didn't think that I'd be that sad.. I didn't think that I'd be sad as much since he's only going there for a week. Obviously I'd be sad but didn't think it would affect me like this though...


Like what Amran said to me last night when I came back, it would be worse if he's going to Sydney and then going back for good. In that case I'd be living in misery for sure! And to make it worse, She and Johanna are going back to Sweden For good in a couple of weeks and I don't want to think about that right now.. I guess I'm so so use to having him around, seriously...
When I look at the lyrics of the song I mentioned above, it is actually a sad depressive love song and not the happy ones which is not really significant to my situation, even though we have our bad days obviously but still, that song just makes me wanna ... arghh... (Ya Allah... Emo Bley??? eehehehhe...)

-Synchronicity Out-